AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A LATE BLOOMER
Recital Suite
Iron In G (2015): Ashley Aguilar, Emily Carroccio, Kate Gragg, Jessica Kick, Emma Reeves
The Way I Love You (2013): Val Lober, Katie Johnston, Dare Wedgeworth
See the Forest (2014): Emily Carroccio, Nadine Mauricio, Allison Phalen, Emma Reeves
Family
Sit Down/Stand Up (2006): Ashley Aguilar, Emma Barnhart, Luke Greeff
Brother/Sister (2015): Kate O’Hanlon Bruns, Paula Grahmann, Katie Johnston, Jessica Kick, Val Lober, Stephanie Rankin
Modern Life
Coffee (2016): Nadine Mauricio
Phone (2016): Val Lober
Bills (2022): Emma Reeves, Kate O’Hanlon Bruns
The Seasons (2019)
Dancers: Ashley Aguilar, Mags Bouffard, Carly Broutman, Kate O’Hanlon Bruns, Julie Ferrell, Anna Gould, Katie Johnston, Jessica Kick, Val Lober, Kelly Maryanski, Stephanie Rankin
Film and editing: Jacobi Alvarez, Jana McClain
Gay Divorcee
Issues (2018): Luke Greeff, Dare Wedgeworth
Plans (2023): Emma Barnhart, Kate O’Hanlon Bruns
How Did I Not Know
Religion (2023): Ashley Aguilar, Emily Carroccio, Katie Johnston, Jessica Kick, Allison Phalen, Stephanie Rankin
Self-Worth (2014): Kate O’Hanlon Bruns, Nadine Mauricio, Emma Reeves, Dare Wedgeworth
1001 Nights (2017): Val Lober
Gender (2016, 2018): Luke Greeff
Late Bloomer (2023)
Full Cast
PROGRAM NOTES
“Autobiography of a Late Bloomer” tells the story of my experiences, emotions, and growth over the last 15 years, focusing on my journey to understand my identity as a queer woman, utilizing the pieces I’ve choreographed over that time.
I have always utilized movement to sort through events and feelings from my life, whether by simply moving through whatever available space I had, or intentionally processing emotional events through a choreographic lens. In the 15 years of my professional dance career, I have amassed a significant body of work that is reflective of the time and place, events, feelings, and impacts of the moments in which each piece was created. The narrative of my adult life is captured in these choreographic snapshots: from significant upheavals to all of the mundane and myriad complications and tribulations of daily life. The current chapter of my life is shaped by vulnerability and authenticity, making this the perfect time to compile and present these works.
While this is an intensely personal story, my choreographic vision is rooted in the relationships between audience, dancers, and choreographer. I try to integrate the unique perspectives of the dancers with whom I work - their body types, sexualities, ages, gender identities, and cultural backgrounds - to bring to their artistry into each piece. I have the privilege to work this way because of the diverse dancers involved with Lucid Banter Project: dancers with non-traditional body sizes, many of whom identify as LGBTQI+, trans and non-binary dancers, student dancers, as well as those in both the early and later stages of their performing careers. I would not be able to do what I do without these dancers, their contribution to my story is invaluable. As an audience member, your story and viewpoint are also integral to my work. My hope is that each piece hooks into some experience in your life or brings understanding of the greater human experience.
Recital Suite
These pieces were set as children’s recital pieces, and represent a period of intense growth of my choreographic skills. Recital pieces must be crafted so carefully: the students need to be able to perform the vocabulary with confidence, the level of skill and emotional connection of each student must be taken into account, all the dancers need to be equally highlighted, and the piece needs to be accessible to a diverse and un-taught audience. These are my favorites from my years of teaching, and hold up well as pieces on their own account, especially when performed by professionals.
Family
Sit Down/Stand Up and Brother/Sister were set during some difficult times in my relationship with my family members. As the youngest in a family full of missionaries, I experienced a lot of isolation, both physical and emotional, from my family members, and frustration presenting my authentic self to them as I grew and matured. I felt both stifled by them, and desperate for their love and understanding. These pieces were set at two phases in the long journey to a good relationship with my family.
The Seasons
The segments of this film were set and filmed throughout the course of a full year, and are a celebration of Chicago. I love this city, and all of the sights, sounds, and experiences in all the far corners. It’s such a beautiful place, and I loved creating these pieces that are so fully entrenched in my city. The task of setting site-specific work was a huge challenge for me (How will we play the music? What about bystanders or pedestrians? What if it rains or snows? Should I be paying for the use of this public space?), but the results are so much fun to watch.
Modern Life
The solos in Modern Life are a lighter look at some things that can get heavy in everyday life. Making whimsical ditties with inane props helps me keep intense concepts like addiction, FOMO, and financial stability centered in an optimistic lens. When the going gets tough, the tough get to dancing.
Gay Divorcee
I’ve been married twice. Both significant relationships started with optimism and ended in divorce. Each marriage was so different, and I was so different within each, but they ended the same way: disagreements, fights, pettiness, cruelty, and a bitter legal process. These two pieces reflect much of the darkness I traversed during the tough endings of the marriages. But without both relationships, and both divorces, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I learned so much from both relationships, both spouses, and both dissolutions. I learned so much about myself, and about what I want from life.
How Did I Not Know
This suite was put together for a show that was cancelled in 2020 due to the pandemic: Gay Voices, produced by Chicago Danzetheatre Ensemble. Each of these pieces reflected a significant step in my coming out journey: atheism, my own self-esteem and self-actualization, my sexuality, and my femininity. While all of my work is very personal, these pieces have a deeper level of vulnerability than I usually allow to be shown on stage: these pieces are by me, about me, and for me. While I have significantly edited and adjusted them from their originals, each piece still speaks to the specific stage I was in and the struggles I was grappling with when each was created.
Religion has had the privilege of a long creative process, through multiple periods of “setting” the piece without it actually being performed. Each iteration gave me the opportunity to edit, adjust, and amend the choreography, which I haven’t had the chance to do with many of the pieces I’ve made. Religion is the longest continuous piece I’ve ever choreographed, and one of the most challenging to perform. It’s also representative of a 20-odd year struggle with my faith, culture, and worldview. I have a feeling the process of this piece doesn’t end here.
Self-Worth was originally a duet in which the woman never stood up from the floor without her male partner lifting and supporting her. The lack of confidence, the co-dependence, and the misogyny on display in that version is painful to see through the 20/20 vision of hindsight. The current version tells the story of the three friends who rallied around me after my first divorce, and their priceless influence on my independence.
I first performed 1001 Nights in a very intimate in-studio showing, in front of many of my former dance colleagues, as one of my first independent choreographic projects. It was probably the most vulnerable moment of my life to that point, as the movement was based directly on phrases pulled from my journals. At the time, I didn’t know what kind of freedom I was seeking, only that those 1001 nights were interminable. I will be forever grateful to Val for helping me work through the process of choreographing and rehearsing this piece for that first performance, and for taking that heavy load onto herself as the performer for this version.
Gender was originally intended to be part of the Modern Life suite (then titled Dress), but through a few choreographic iterations, casting changes, and years of evolution of my own gender expression, it has deepened into a distillation of my explorations of gender. The dancers who helped me transform this piece were also so transformative to me personally.
Late Bloomer
I found the label “Late Bloomer Lesbian” in an online community, comprised of women who realized their sexuality later in life. Many of these women were in the same situation as me: married to a man, from a conservative household, dissatisfied with the parameters of their life, and seeking to understand themselves. There are so many challenges for queer people, no matter their age or background, and this group was invaluable to helping me navigate many of those challenges. “Late Bloomer” is such a beautiful vision: the sad, straggly plant who then flourishes in just the right mix of circumstance, location, and nourishment. My niece, Anna, perfectly captured this label for me in the image she painted for this show’s poster, and this song was recommended to me by a dear friend who supported and counseled me through the very first stages of my coming out. I am so thankful for the long garden path I’ve traversed so far, and the opportunity to bloom in the here-and-now, bringing color and beauty to the world.